those EYES

eyes, they give away :-|
no matter how strong u are
no matter how much the control
eyes are the 1st to betray

so u should never open those damn eyes
in company that doesnt have the truth,
the depth those eyes deserve,
that has no idea abt that disguise

- Jhun's room (21 Dec, 2009)

HAPPINESS


So u ll be happy if ur life would ve been perfect
without any problems ?
think about the feeling when we fight like we never had
and change all the predicted outcomes

Is it all about having a smile always on,
forced or fake even ?
what about the value attached to the 1,
which comes after some showers from the button

And is it all about fun,
with no burdens no expectations ?
then what about the satisfaction, the emotion
linked when you are indeed responsible for smthing/sm1.

What abt the the infinite goosebumps u get,
when u do stand up and leave ur own stamp on history ?
or u really think u r 'happy' with nobody noticing/questioning u,
when with each denial, u r just shrinking ur own definition of 'happy'

And lastly is it about having a 100 hands,
all happy smiling clapping for you ?
or is it really about figuring out which of those hands
u ll want to hold on to, when u dont feel like smiling


:-16 Dec 2009)

FIGHTS

And now i know why,
why we all have 'fights'.

so that they can explain us,
the importance, the presence of something
something termed as 'love', in its rightful rights.

so that we can understand,
that a life without fights is like a room without dark,
we ll never notice the bulb, and what exactly it lights.

so that we can always remember,
that these fights have their special meanings,
as long as we are having them,
and so "i m sry", he again writes.


nov 9, 2009

The ideal love for perfection,
and the wait that never seems to end.
The concept of dumb genius-ness,
waiting for noone but itself to bend.

The mind that forever felt unbeatable,
with a loss, a lesson, at every small win.
The physical existence that had obvious limits,
with dreams ending even before they could begin.


13-09-09, kgp

To Gee, to me, and to the she


Of rivers fighting separating, still merging into the sea.
Of chords following the hand, not the other way around that may be.
Of colors calling each other, flowing mixing on just a blink of the eye.
Of confessions to the beautiful crime, no matter what the try, the deny.

To the rules that might finally win, proving its all a lie.
To the ideas that just wont die, no matter what the why.
To the loops, to the breaks, and to the recursion that could be we.
To Gee, to me, and to the ideated image that could be she.




kgp, 03-09-2009, 6am

Finding Neverland

You never find it, do you
The more you think you are on the right path
the heavier is the jerk you get.

You play around with your dreams
until "reality" makes a fresh challenge
and you are forced to start IT all over again,
the quest for finding your neverland.

Its 1st may, 2009
and its the exact same as it was on 1st may, 2008.

It tested me the last time,
it ll certainly test me this time.

I ended up the winner who had lost much,
I wish will end up the loser who ll earn smthing this time.

We never give up, do we
No wonder its called the NEVERland
No wonder, i am who i am,
The Peter Pan in my DreamLand.



kgp, 4:30 am.

she s back to what she was
much awaited, after such a long pause
she was consumed by all the world-ly laws
but her stupid heart found the natural way that was

the bubbling enery is back
so is the frown and her quack quack
she had forcefully piled up her stack
and now its pouring out of every possible crack

the problems stand same as the past
but thats the beauty of life s contrast
we keep hanging to our happy cast
while fighting agaisnt the rest till last

she s at her beautiful best when she lets herself flow
without a care for the world, without a single bow
like the silent smile in her V, and the blabs with her bro
thats the phool we love, thats the dumb we know



Mar 31

she loved to smile
but never dared a mile

she loved her kind
but doubted the mind

she, they said, was a loner
but thr was more to the owner

she had problems back then
but she fought them like men

the problems never end
because with them ends the drive(s)
the fight which pushes us forward
which brings meaning to our lives

she gulped a lot
but she learnt n she fought

and now when all learned she is
she realizes how fked up everything is

and she s lost the smile
because of the fight all this while

she s daring more than a mile
but she no longer smiles

she still loves her face in the breeze
i know it, oh cmon please

fighting always meant happiness
generated by its righteousness

we know she s still fighting
she s not broken, nor even sad
but she used to smile n spread her energy around
now she isnt, and thats bad

becz she still loves to smile
she still dreams a mile


Mar 25, 2009

In love with the IDEA of LOVE


can a person be in love
with the 'idea of love'

not capable of loving some1
but in love with 'being in love'

and if such a person exists
he/she has to be the biggest lover
and the biggest loather of mankind.


PS: complexly random, and incomplete, thoughts/views are welcome from whosoever who can digest such awesome 'crap'.


26 march 09, kgp

But

why do we need dramatic incidents
to shake us out of apathy

why do we wait for a 'loss'
to become a 'force', we all know we r capable of

why and how the 2 recent cases
1. the banning of schols-ave
2. the ban on our 'responsible freedom'
couldnt reach every 'mote' of the force we saw ysday

and if it did, why and how
am I still questioned and blocked at 11pm on Puri Gate

the base problem is same, motes
the surface results are different

more than a 'Damodar Acharya' to realize
we have ourselves to blame, we need ourselves to ignite


22 March, kgp

The 2 LIVES

was leaving one, starting another i was
was raised like a prince, realizing the king i was
was always an integral part, forming the next i was
was always a son, going to be a father i was.

the transition was necessary, as natural it was
the pain obvious, but unappreciated it was
dreams of my partner n my kid, unlike earlier it was
father, i have to be wat,proudly once he was.



20-12-2008
on train to delhi from kgp.

Human Diary


She writes
waits, in expectation
with a faint smile sometimes,
confused ofttimes.

We all know the 'personal diary'
the ocean where we can dump all,
good bad hates loves worries, all our feels
never refuses, always there with smiles.

But this, a new dimension
a reply, a response, a voice
it always understood our everything
now it can show its caring.

A twist, though
the diary has a life
its own problems, and joys
has a voice, but also the choice

Sometimes, she has to wait
it can do a lot more,
but no more obedient
'a voice with a choice'.

Hence, arise feels
different feels, colors
of our beautiful life.
She could share most, with the old one
but this one,it adds some.

World could never understand 'expectation'
the wait, the frustration attached.
Often neglecting the beauty,
when we do get them matched.

Forming small relations, unlike today s dove
born out of just, infinite trust,
surviving on nothing, but true love
defying all norms, all their must s.


So now she writes
not on a blank page
but on some one s life
some one s soul, some one s gauge.



PS: to my dear most reader, whose mind gave this idea, the concept of a 'human diary', I intended the lines to be entirely fictitious, but couldnt help as Fiction do needs real life inspiration.



Nov 19

SHE


a blank stare, beautiful eyes
challenging the past, not once but twice
she sat their alone, unaware
seeing through them all, questioning the y's


the perfect ratio, the beautiful match
eyes smiling before the lips can hatch
dont need to move much, to actually smile
fake lips if u want, eyes never give in to the guile



10-09-08

I started with following heroes n heroines.

took a while for the level when i began spotting 'acting' and then the various feels n emotions.

but as most of the learned, but honest, will confess, just when u start feeling confident that the delusion of 'u know it all' is infact a reality, u get the gift of the next 'level'.

many reach the 'delusion dilemma', few make out the difference and welcome the development.

so, then came a stage when i realised who the puppets are and who's the real creator of those feelings.



The art u manifest has your soul, whatever that art might be, it always reflects your soul.

and theatre is an art, has its soul, but to realise its soul, u must realise urs.

then u may see what REALLY is shown :)



Sometimes, u wonder 'are there others in pursuit of the same depth ?'

u observe some having the understanding , but rarey do u open up.

not sure why.

not that u r afraid of being laughed at.

may be u urself arent sure whether the current world, at this moment, really needs it !

but u always ponder about , searching for those who might empathize and possibly pass the message forward.


should be enough for those whom i m writing, rest really are of no concern.



Have been relishing the 'conventional life' lately, which currently in my case can be defined by work-->party-->work .. but finally, after a month or so, got to do what i love the most, and probably do the best.

its sunday, 6am in the morning, just finished the movie 'The Lake House'.

a real artistic display of complex emotions, really awesome direction.

and as most of the greatest of my SEEN movies, this also was a result of the 'peek-a-boo strategy', i unknowingly, unwantedly apply to the movies i have heard gud of, but my 1st impression bars me from giving it a full fledged go.

so i started with BROWSING the movie and jumped to its 75th minute.

the concept is simple: the movie is started at any random minute and the previous missed has to be understood/imagined/assumed.
now if a movie is gud enough to hold my attention if i start it at the 75th minute, then bingo!, u got 1, now its time to see how much of ur sight matches that of the director's.

that stint lasted till the 90th minute i think, then it was the time for the conventional way.

If u see any sense in the shit written above, do watch this one.



Lastly, no matter how much i run away from the fact that understanding a human mind is much more complex,challenging and enthralling than constructing a 'for loop', i still have to construct the loop, for its the only way i can show the world what i know, what i see.




01/06/08 6am

just a smile on the face
an air of freshness
bubbling energy all over the place
style attitude with dumbness

with past in the mind
in search of a solution
a single look does the bind
the fool meets the dumb

fool tries the best
dumb handles the rest
fool thinks of giving up
dumb realises the make-up

dumb meets care
the seed of love
even though unaware
the power is all above

world lives in a limbo of its own
clever enough to find
arguable reasons , the backbone
to its practical escapist mind

love knocks , but no
u dont have to show
dont feel even, dont bow
sry , emotions cant flow

feels have their way
sometimes u reason u dont want
but still u obey
even though the same world might taunt

fool thinks a lot
dumb listens a lot
fool has the self
dumb has the world

dumb realises self with fool
but thinks world > self
if u really wanna rule
know self , rest ll take care of itself

power of love
is its absence
and remember
it touches only once
u ll need luck
for it to come back
ALL THE BEST .

THE 'Y'


to live , is to survive

to survive , is to grow

to grow , is to know passion

to know passion , is to love

to realize love , is to search

to search , is to find Y

to find Y , is to be true

to be true , Y might be hell

but surely , ignorance is death


to live , is to make choices
make the choice , know ur Y .


11:30 am
16-04-08

to know abt Toohey , refer http://somewheresomethingwentwrong.blogspot.com/

The Tooheys coming into limelight has inspired me to put light on another character involved in this game . Lets call this character X .

This X is a Toohey s creation , no doubt .
Creation in the sense that the power and the position of X which force him into the scene , wouldnt have been possible without the old Toohey s hand over him.

In the beginning , thr wasnt much common between the 2 .
Toohey just groomed his best possible shot at power and X followed him as Toohey s ambitions were a superset of his own .

So , the 1st part of the story ends as X rises to power .
And with him , so does Toohey , as per Toohey s own figuring .

But then the twist .

Even Toohey , with all his experience and canniness , overlooked the point that choosing his best chance amongst the given , he chose some1 with some of his independent self left .

The 2nd part begins , where X forces his ways over Toohey s .

Toohey s reach and powers are limited as X thinks on changing everything that doesnt fit into his thinking , his idols , his logic .
He faces a lot of resistance from the Toohey camp but X fights for the bigger picture .

Meanwhile Toohey remains calm . He waits patiently for the next spin of coin .


And here the concluding part begins , the elections arrive , and X and Toohey once again come face to face , in opposite camps this time .

Toohey being the master in this game , sets about his work .

X tries to follow his own idealistic ways and soon realises Toohey s dominance in his own dirt.

With the time closing on and seeing the probable loss , X loses his self , and retorts to Toohey s ways of doing things .

Of course Toohey groomed him. He knew exactly how the game is played . It was just the question of values .

In the midst of all that was happening , X loses his own idols , plays Toohey for a short while , defeats Toohey in his own game .

X is crowned as the new kingpin .

Smiles all around .

Doubts all around .

" When a man gives up his values, he necessarily gives up that with which he formed them—his own thinking. His life is then empty, devoid of meaning and purpose, and he is incapable of internal direction. "

But mind u , 1 Toohey is down .


08-04-08

LATEST :)

# lost , white , spark , troubles , mist

# frusst , definite , CS , despair , sleep , hope



for u my dear reader :

# thought , truth , realisation , fear , fake , ignorance

normally hazy
always buzy
greed of knowing all
might eventually bring the fall
the dreams , the desire
the time , not fair
some advice , a priority queue
wont work , hope they knew
more of a linked list
cant jump, skipping the imp least
the frustration , the cry
the fight , the try
the sleep , the sickness
a disease , a bless
symptoms , an escapist
dont hide , fight the mist
the path , certainly not clear
stick to the base, look for the cure.


01-04-08

love to travel , specially by a train

the window seat , the view from its pane

the journey is tiring , normally a pain

be observant enough , lots to gain

feel ur LIFE , through those windows

each tree going by , a passing phase

the stations , moments our destiny allows

to step down from the flow , n check the base

the parallel running tracks , never rest

hinting there's always , an alternate way

the driver decides , which 1s the best

listen to the heart , where the direction lay

the lonely dark woods , wherever u stare

the plight of the world , nobody to care

but stare long enough , at any particular slope

u ll see a twinkle , the existence of hope

18-03-08

COMPLEXITY

No matter how much we try to FEEL ' keep your life SIMPLE' or watever we might mean

Its really much more complex than what it might seem .

The more one tries to SIMPLIFY without following the NATURAL path as it comes

Steps are SKIPPED and the more COMPLEX it becomes .

Problem is that no one can ever find the 0 point on the complexity scale

Those on lower feel life's LACKING n the upper ones wish for life to once again be pale .

Its the OSCILLATING nature , which is the main culprit

Life is a search for the 0 point , THEORETICALLY at which we can never sit .

But ask any PENDULUM its purpose , ' attaining the 0 point mate '

Let all realise the TRUTH , reaching there it must OSCILLATE .

15 nov 07

PS : warned u before ! :D

OBLIVION

Its when i cant see whats black or whats white

Its when haziness n shades of grey fill my sight

Its when i cant make out the fine line b/w wrong n right

I chose this state hoping to get back my colors ever so bright .

Its an endearing state with its share of high n low

Surely its filled with frusstness but its the only way to let all go

As ' the order lies in the head ' its upto u what u wanna know

The altruist world complains but i need my answers n they ll never grow !

09 NOV

HAPPY DIWALI