In love with the IDEA of LOVE


can a person be in love
with the 'idea of love'

not capable of loving some1
but in love with 'being in love'

and if such a person exists
he/she has to be the biggest lover
and the biggest loather of mankind.


PS: complexly random, and incomplete, thoughts/views are welcome from whosoever who can digest such awesome 'crap'.


26 march 09, kgp

But

why do we need dramatic incidents
to shake us out of apathy

why do we wait for a 'loss'
to become a 'force', we all know we r capable of

why and how the 2 recent cases
1. the banning of schols-ave
2. the ban on our 'responsible freedom'
couldnt reach every 'mote' of the force we saw ysday

and if it did, why and how
am I still questioned and blocked at 11pm on Puri Gate

the base problem is same, motes
the surface results are different

more than a 'Damodar Acharya' to realize
we have ourselves to blame, we need ourselves to ignite


22 March, kgp

The 2 LIVES

was leaving one, starting another i was
was raised like a prince, realizing the king i was
was always an integral part, forming the next i was
was always a son, going to be a father i was.

the transition was necessary, as natural it was
the pain obvious, but unappreciated it was
dreams of my partner n my kid, unlike earlier it was
father, i have to be wat,proudly once he was.



20-12-2008
on train to delhi from kgp.

Human Diary


She writes
waits, in expectation
with a faint smile sometimes,
confused ofttimes.

We all know the 'personal diary'
the ocean where we can dump all,
good bad hates loves worries, all our feels
never refuses, always there with smiles.

But this, a new dimension
a reply, a response, a voice
it always understood our everything
now it can show its caring.

A twist, though
the diary has a life
its own problems, and joys
has a voice, but also the choice

Sometimes, she has to wait
it can do a lot more,
but no more obedient
'a voice with a choice'.

Hence, arise feels
different feels, colors
of our beautiful life.
She could share most, with the old one
but this one,it adds some.

World could never understand 'expectation'
the wait, the frustration attached.
Often neglecting the beauty,
when we do get them matched.

Forming small relations, unlike today s dove
born out of just, infinite trust,
surviving on nothing, but true love
defying all norms, all their must s.


So now she writes
not on a blank page
but on some one s life
some one s soul, some one s gauge.



PS: to my dear most reader, whose mind gave this idea, the concept of a 'human diary', I intended the lines to be entirely fictitious, but couldnt help as Fiction do needs real life inspiration.



Nov 19

SHE


a blank stare, beautiful eyes
challenging the past, not once but twice
she sat their alone, unaware
seeing through them all, questioning the y's


the perfect ratio, the beautiful match
eyes smiling before the lips can hatch
dont need to move much, to actually smile
fake lips if u want, eyes never give in to the guile



10-09-08

I started with following heroes n heroines.

took a while for the level when i began spotting 'acting' and then the various feels n emotions.

but as most of the learned, but honest, will confess, just when u start feeling confident that the delusion of 'u know it all' is infact a reality, u get the gift of the next 'level'.

many reach the 'delusion dilemma', few make out the difference and welcome the development.

so, then came a stage when i realised who the puppets are and who's the real creator of those feelings.



The art u manifest has your soul, whatever that art might be, it always reflects your soul.

and theatre is an art, has its soul, but to realise its soul, u must realise urs.

then u may see what REALLY is shown :)



Sometimes, u wonder 'are there others in pursuit of the same depth ?'

u observe some having the understanding , but rarey do u open up.

not sure why.

not that u r afraid of being laughed at.

may be u urself arent sure whether the current world, at this moment, really needs it !

but u always ponder about , searching for those who might empathize and possibly pass the message forward.


should be enough for those whom i m writing, rest really are of no concern.



Have been relishing the 'conventional life' lately, which currently in my case can be defined by work-->party-->work .. but finally, after a month or so, got to do what i love the most, and probably do the best.

its sunday, 6am in the morning, just finished the movie 'The Lake House'.

a real artistic display of complex emotions, really awesome direction.

and as most of the greatest of my SEEN movies, this also was a result of the 'peek-a-boo strategy', i unknowingly, unwantedly apply to the movies i have heard gud of, but my 1st impression bars me from giving it a full fledged go.

so i started with BROWSING the movie and jumped to its 75th minute.

the concept is simple: the movie is started at any random minute and the previous missed has to be understood/imagined/assumed.
now if a movie is gud enough to hold my attention if i start it at the 75th minute, then bingo!, u got 1, now its time to see how much of ur sight matches that of the director's.

that stint lasted till the 90th minute i think, then it was the time for the conventional way.

If u see any sense in the shit written above, do watch this one.



Lastly, no matter how much i run away from the fact that understanding a human mind is much more complex,challenging and enthralling than constructing a 'for loop', i still have to construct the loop, for its the only way i can show the world what i know, what i see.




01/06/08 6am

just a smile on the face
an air of freshness
bubbling energy all over the place
style attitude with dumbness

with past in the mind
in search of a solution
a single look does the bind
the fool meets the dumb

fool tries the best
dumb handles the rest
fool thinks of giving up
dumb realises the make-up

dumb meets care
the seed of love
even though unaware
the power is all above

world lives in a limbo of its own
clever enough to find
arguable reasons , the backbone
to its practical escapist mind

love knocks , but no
u dont have to show
dont feel even, dont bow
sry , emotions cant flow

feels have their way
sometimes u reason u dont want
but still u obey
even though the same world might taunt

fool thinks a lot
dumb listens a lot
fool has the self
dumb has the world

dumb realises self with fool
but thinks world > self
if u really wanna rule
know self , rest ll take care of itself

power of love
is its absence
and remember
it touches only once
u ll need luck
for it to come back
ALL THE BEST .

THE 'Y'


to live , is to survive

to survive , is to grow

to grow , is to know passion

to know passion , is to love

to realize love , is to search

to search , is to find Y

to find Y , is to be true

to be true , Y might be hell

but surely , ignorance is death


to live , is to make choices
make the choice , know ur Y .


11:30 am
16-04-08

to know abt Toohey , refer http://somewheresomethingwentwrong.blogspot.com/

The Tooheys coming into limelight has inspired me to put light on another character involved in this game . Lets call this character X .

This X is a Toohey s creation , no doubt .
Creation in the sense that the power and the position of X which force him into the scene , wouldnt have been possible without the old Toohey s hand over him.

In the beginning , thr wasnt much common between the 2 .
Toohey just groomed his best possible shot at power and X followed him as Toohey s ambitions were a superset of his own .

So , the 1st part of the story ends as X rises to power .
And with him , so does Toohey , as per Toohey s own figuring .

But then the twist .

Even Toohey , with all his experience and canniness , overlooked the point that choosing his best chance amongst the given , he chose some1 with some of his independent self left .

The 2nd part begins , where X forces his ways over Toohey s .

Toohey s reach and powers are limited as X thinks on changing everything that doesnt fit into his thinking , his idols , his logic .
He faces a lot of resistance from the Toohey camp but X fights for the bigger picture .

Meanwhile Toohey remains calm . He waits patiently for the next spin of coin .


And here the concluding part begins , the elections arrive , and X and Toohey once again come face to face , in opposite camps this time .

Toohey being the master in this game , sets about his work .

X tries to follow his own idealistic ways and soon realises Toohey s dominance in his own dirt.

With the time closing on and seeing the probable loss , X loses his self , and retorts to Toohey s ways of doing things .

Of course Toohey groomed him. He knew exactly how the game is played . It was just the question of values .

In the midst of all that was happening , X loses his own idols , plays Toohey for a short while , defeats Toohey in his own game .

X is crowned as the new kingpin .

Smiles all around .

Doubts all around .

" When a man gives up his values, he necessarily gives up that with which he formed them—his own thinking. His life is then empty, devoid of meaning and purpose, and he is incapable of internal direction. "

But mind u , 1 Toohey is down .


08-04-08

LATEST :)

# lost , white , spark , troubles , mist

# frusst , definite , CS , despair , sleep , hope



for u my dear reader :

# thought , truth , realisation , fear , fake , ignorance

normally hazy
always buzy
greed of knowing all
might eventually bring the fall
the dreams , the desire
the time , not fair
some advice , a priority queue
wont work , hope they knew
more of a linked list
cant jump, skipping the imp least
the frustration , the cry
the fight , the try
the sleep , the sickness
a disease , a bless
symptoms , an escapist
dont hide , fight the mist
the path , certainly not clear
stick to the base, look for the cure.


01-04-08

love to travel , specially by a train

the window seat , the view from its pane

the journey is tiring , normally a pain

be observant enough , lots to gain

feel ur LIFE , through those windows

each tree going by , a passing phase

the stations , moments our destiny allows

to step down from the flow , n check the base

the parallel running tracks , never rest

hinting there's always , an alternate way

the driver decides , which 1s the best

listen to the heart , where the direction lay

the lonely dark woods , wherever u stare

the plight of the world , nobody to care

but stare long enough , at any particular slope

u ll see a twinkle , the existence of hope

18-03-08

COMPLEXITY

No matter how much we try to FEEL ' keep your life SIMPLE' or watever we might mean

Its really much more complex than what it might seem .

The more one tries to SIMPLIFY without following the NATURAL path as it comes

Steps are SKIPPED and the more COMPLEX it becomes .

Problem is that no one can ever find the 0 point on the complexity scale

Those on lower feel life's LACKING n the upper ones wish for life to once again be pale .

Its the OSCILLATING nature , which is the main culprit

Life is a search for the 0 point , THEORETICALLY at which we can never sit .

But ask any PENDULUM its purpose , ' attaining the 0 point mate '

Let all realise the TRUTH , reaching there it must OSCILLATE .

15 nov 07

PS : warned u before ! :D

OBLIVION

Its when i cant see whats black or whats white

Its when haziness n shades of grey fill my sight

Its when i cant make out the fine line b/w wrong n right

I chose this state hoping to get back my colors ever so bright .

Its an endearing state with its share of high n low

Surely its filled with frusstness but its the only way to let all go

As ' the order lies in the head ' its upto u what u wanna know

The altruist world complains but i need my answers n they ll never grow !

09 NOV

HAPPY DIWALI

n after a long gap i saw some lines with some weight . 1st parah is a friend s creation . 2nd part is mine . enjoi :)

I SMILE :)

I Try To Smile In Sorrow,I Try To Smile In Pain..

I Try To Smile When Trouble Pours Like Rain..

I Try To Smile When EVERYONE Hurts My Feelings..

I Try To Smile Coz I Know Its Always Healing..

I smile to the fakes , Not to dears..

I smile to hide my Cry , which No One hears..

I smile for others , Not for thyself..

This fake smiling works or not , I doubt it myself !

24 oct 07

~The Lonely Vocalist~

he sang for himself , not for others to hear

to button out the rue , he could no longer bear

he was lonesome , with nobody to fear

felt better , with his insides much clear

he sang ideating her , his only dear

no matter if now , it is a dream mere ..

he sang for himself, n for his only friend

for whom he waited , every rule to bend

was perfect for him , the rightmost blend

made only 1 mistake , one he couldnt fend

one that ruined them , one he could never mend

heard time would heal , the trauma didnt end

so he sings , not for others to commend

but in hope , one day his feels would be send ..

27 aug 07

5 30 pm

To NAVYA

date- 16 dec 2006

time 10 am

I am travelling in a train from kgp to delhi .

In the same appartment is a baby girl , 7 yrs of age , whose hyper active naughtiness reminds me of my childhood .

The more i watch her NATURALNESS , the more i get bewitched .

In the morning , before leaving , i hand her a note .

She tries to read with her parents , but cannot .

So her mother reads her the GIFT .

***************************************

To Navya ,

Amazing r the childhood days ,

Unique r their mischievous ways .

Given the proper care ,

shapes our character , sets our base .

Free from any worries ,

careless of of any gaze .

Entangled in this world's maze ,

I realise

childhood memories r where my heart lays .

But gone r the days , when i used to be a child .

Used to be exuberant , used to be wild .

Bubbled with energy , never was i mild .

Grief didnt exist , each day i smiled .

Being a grown up , is like being tiled .

Just wanted to show , how i wish ,

how i long , to again be a child .

************************************

Navya listened intently n after the end , asked " mummy . kya likha hai " .

I smiled n answered " beta abhi aapke samajh me nahi aayega , n jab aayega tab aap bade ho chuke hoge , like me :) " .

And her mother pouched that note , which i wrote on a SPORTSTAR white page , and we departed .

The above pic needs mention as i had completely forgotten this poem , when this pic caught my eye n instantly a word came out , NAVYA .

enjoi

6:47 am

19 aug 2007

IIT kgp

..... PROTECT ME FROM WAT I WANT .....

Read it today on a friend's status message on gtalk .
At 1st i also , like most of u , laughed with a shrug,
" wat in the world is that suppose to mean !! ".
Even dared to ask the guy its entailment . :O

Ofcourse , there wasnt any reply .
That roused my ever so keen interest .
Not concerning my friend's wants n want nots ! ,
But the bewildering statement . :O

Due to various earthly obligations n all ,
didnt really have the chance to digest the msg .
But kept ringing bells even in class ,
And with the prof lecturing how natural RUBBER is formed ! ,
Wasnt long before i had devoted the full attention it rightly deserved ,
" Protect me from wat i want. " !!!

Wat exactly do we each of us want ?
Think HARD n TRUE , without ne wordly constraints ,
n u ll notice 1 common outcome ,
some of ur WANTS would end up giving goosebumps to u ,
create tremors if released publically .

Of course taking into full consideration that ,
whenever our human mind is bestowed with such rare freedom ,
limits , those set by this mortal faux world ,
r crossed .

But still , shud really we ashamed of some of our WANTS ,

shudnt we atleast have the freedom of dreaming abt our WANTS ,

or shud we keep reminding our soul , that we CANT want such WANTS !
thats from where its all cming , this , PROTECT me from wat i WANT .

Y all these rules n limits , surely not created by nature ,
but by us , probably out of insecurity .
Isnt the set of laws provided by nature enough ?
that we r introducing further layers .

N all must be accused ,
all who r following , with or without a fake smile ,
Its high time , when we give these rules a refreshing ,
n follow the only MASTER rule mother nature defined ,
to live NATURALLY .

Until that time , lets share the same thought ,
PROTECT me from wat I WANT .



08-08-07
10 pm

..................... TO LIVE ANOTHER DAY ....................

There's no net for the past 2 days .... and its frussstness has resulted in this ... pls blame the net , not me :P

Paradox :

Why do we all continue to live for another day n on n on .. till death says " chalo , enough is enough " .

Lets see it differently , we all live for another day ( or say we ll need an extra day if death announces its arrival ) , because there's always something left .
Something which we havent touched , something which we havent felt , something which we havent realised , something which we havent told , something which we havent confessed , something which we havent achieved , something which we havent conquered , there's always SOMETHING .
It seems we all r in search of our ever varying SOMETHING at each n every point of our lives .

So the paradoxial part is , assume a mortal completes his all SOMETHINGs , would he long TO LIVE ANOTHER DAY ? !

Wouldnt our ultimate quest of all quests result in our END ? !

So why would u chose to chase ur all SOMETHINGS , when u know if by chance u manage to succeed , u ll cease to exist as there wouldnt be anything left in ur life to live FOR ? !


repeating : pls blame the net , not me .

Answer : will be updated as soon as i find it . ( obviously i have a head start , as i invented the Q )

lastly : pls blame the net , not me :D

KNOWING WAT TO DO ... n DOING THE RIGHT THING ...

Today i realised there r 3 categories of ppl found in this havoc world ..


First hu really dont realise wats the right thing is .. they live in a oblivion of their own , thinking following the peer or the popular existing system , whether suiting them or not , is the right most thing to do , n they mould themselves into the system to suit their personal needs .. 9 out of 10 fall into this category .

Then there s a 2nd category , a slightly better one , but one which is always overpowered by the 1st one ..
these realise the right path , but then if standing for the right thing was a cake walk , then all in 1st category would have landed in the 3rd one :D ..
ppl who found themselves in this group have a intriguing property ... with time n constant confrontation by their peers ... either they give up n slide into the 1st category or they decide that its time to push up the tiny stack of the 3rd category .

And the 3rd one ... suprisingly these r the rarest in numbers but only these r remembered even when they cease to exist ... these realise that there s got be sm1 to stand for the 2nd category people .. sm1 whom these NORMAL people could look up to ... and all in the above 2 categories admire the ones in the 3rd ... and all hope to be like them 1 day .
This world needs more of THESE .Lets try to help our world .